Unbelievable!!

I can not believe that I have not written or posted since August! Well, life has been hard, filled with pains, paths I have never walked before. My back pain is not getting better, I pray daily that God will help, He does in his way, his time, not mine. The Doctor for pain management has changed the time I change my pads from every three days to every two days. My mind gets so confussed, so mixed up. I get lost in my own home at times. My dear hubby reminds me as if we have always dealt with the confussion. I want to sleep all the time, stay snug as a bug in my bed. I don't care if I don't get out of my room, I seem to be so content to just stay there-which is wrong for me. I need to get out more, to talk w/friends to enjoy being around them. As the medicine is changed, I seem to just want to be left alone; I pray that this will end soon, that I want to be w/friends, not be a recluse. They are wanting me to have a nerve stimulator put in my back, again! I had one placed in 2003, but they could never get it placed right, it kept slipping of my spine, which made my back hurt worse that ever.

To get it okay by my medical insurance, I have to go see a Pyschiatrist. Ken has said he does

not want to have the stimulator put in my back. I would rather have a pump placed in, as would Ken. He thinks that would be more practical. We are both stressed to the hilt, money problems, double mortages, pain medicines costing so much. We must both give it to God, to wait for his answers, his timing in all of this. I am scheduled to have cortisone injections in my back starting the 13-Jan-2009. I am scared about it all. I am tired of feeling like I do. I just want to feel better, not worse. I want to enjoy life, not fear life. God is in control, control of everything. I must accept it, accept God's answers, even though it hurts.